College.

So, I've been slacking, it's been such a while since I last blogged. Ahh!

Well um, this past week/weekend I've been hit (really hard) with the fact that I really only have 15 more days left in high school, 30 'till Graduation and around 45 'till college.

Talk about intense..

I remember always wanting to be grown already and living out on my own and now that the time has come, I'm just like ..what? It's  honestly CRAZY that it's happening so fast!!!

I feel like it was just yesterday, I walked into my school as a freshman and now I'm getting ready to graduate. 

It's not that I don't want the day to come, I'm so ready for it.
But I'm scared.  I'm scared that I might mess up, or I might not live up to what's expected to me. I'm scared that I might let people down, or that I might change or when I come back, everything's different.

I feel like a tiny little fish, getting thrown out into the huge ocean for the first time.

It's intense. 

But then I remind myself that, Jesus will never leave me, nor forsake me.

Yeah, it's a totally scary thing, but it's a part of life. As my best friend would say, "it's gotta happen sometime"

So for now, even though I'm scared senseless, I know deep down that it's gonna be okay, cause it's all gonna go according to God's plan.

That's all I have for now haha  if you're feeling like me, I hope this gave you peace somewhat!

Xoxo
Dee
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Togetherness

This one is for Xiomara.

So,  I missed school today, due to a few issues.
Well, I logged on to twitter/facebook to see a ton of pictures of a prayer circle that was going on in the middle of our school's courtyard. and My first reaction was honestly ":o" then I began to look at the faces inside this circle and my reaction went to :OOO I saw so many faces of kids who used to curse God's name, giving Him praise and asking Him to work a miracle.

This circle came about because one of the freshmen in our school was involved in a tragic accident this past weekend and all of her friends wanted to pray her way to a speedy, healthy recovery.

I feel like this was such a great thing. Going to a public school that is really unaffiliated with religion, and seeing that almost 75% of the school population was praying, I can't even describe the peace and happiness I felt, it's just such a Jesus moment. Maybe one of those who were in that circle went home and dedicated their lives to Christ, or even an onlooker was jealous of the connection they were establishing with the man upstairs and wanted to experience that for themselves and went home and prayed. You really never know, but I do know something supernatural happened today.

I do not know her personally, but she made my day today. She's still fighting for her life, and if you're reading this, I ask that you take at least 5 seconds of your day to say a quick prayer for her.

And if you're one of her friends, I pray that you have peace in your heart. I know how difficult it is to watch someone go through something like this, so my advice to you is to just keep praying, God has a great plan for her life and it's all going to turn out how it's supposed to turn out. Just keep believing and trusting, He knows what he's doing.

And to Ximora, if we ever get the chance to meet, I'd love to just give you a hug, cause girl you're awesome.  You managed to bring so many people to Christ today, so I know He's about to do something big for you, I can feel it. You keep fighting , the world is rooting for you :)

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and lean not on your understanding."-Proverbs 5:5

Xoxo,
Dee

A story for you

Oh boy..
Haven't done this in a while, I feel like I'm being reunited with a long lost friend. It feels amazing.

So tonight, I'm in need of some major venting, and I mean I have my friends and everything. But I just really want to talk to God tonight. So this post will basically be me talking to my Heavenly father, you can continue reading if you'd like, hopefully you'll gain something. But you don't have too.

I honestly don't even know where to begin..
Life has been so crazy these past few weeks for me, it seems like it's been bad news after bad news..
If this school didn't accept me, this person got sick, or this person was dying, or my school work is mediocre or I got sick, or I'm arguing with someone. It's like never ending.

So I found myself on a relapse and beginning to do things that tore me away from God in the first place. Just because it felt "right"

I let the devil get inside my head and began to believe that nobody really did love me, that it was okay for me to stop talking to God and start living for me.

So as the weeks went on, little by little I began to draw back and start to loose hope.
Yeah, I knew the usual "God has a plan" "Everything happens for a reason"
 but inside my heart, I already lost the battle.

This weekend was where I lost it on the outside too.
I don't think I'll ever be proud of this, but I mean we all make mistakes right?

I made a few of this mistakes this weekend and to everyone that might have been affected by it, I just want to say sorry from the bottom of my heart.

But more importantly to my Heavenly father; I'm just so sorry Lord. I've let you down a lot and I know that you're always waiting for me to come back, it's just up to me to want to do it. So this is me devoting myself to you again, 100%.  I miss the bond I had with You and the wonderful peace that You surrounded me with daily. I know that it's by Your grace that I'm here and that You have greater plans for me. You said that if I ask, I shall receive.  So Lord, I'm asking you to take me back, and take control of my life. I can't do this on my own any more, and I don't want to. I know that You will never give me anything I can't bear and this is just a test. I trust You 150%  Thank You Lord ❤


If you made it to this part of this blog, there had to be a reason for it.

You're amazing and don't ever give up hope. I'm not, cause I know He has a much bigger plan for me and you too, keep trusting ❤


Xoxo
Dee 

Happiness.

Hey guys!
This is something I haven't said in a while, but I'm happy.

CRAZY RIGHT?! Lol, I haven't said that in a while. But something about today just made me really happy, I'm praying this happiness isn't temporary.

I've had a lot going on in my life lately, I don't even know where to begin. But I don't even know what I did today that made me so happy...
I couldn't make it to church :/ because of homework, but I stayed in the spirit and worshiped a lot today, umm saw a friend, went to the mall, started a college app, read.. It was a super productive day to say the least!

It's just funny how crazy the Lord works. He comes in the worst of the storm and shakes you up completely to bring you happiness, I just simply love it.

I guess there wasn't really a point to this. I really missed writing and I guess I just wanted to let you know that I'm happy! Haha
And who knows, this could be you soon :) Keep trusting, I have this gut feeling that your storms about to be over!

"A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit." Proverbs 15:13
Xoxo
Dee

Nobody.

Have you ever felt like a nobody?
A small little nothing, in this huge world of big people? Ever been there..? Just because of decision you made?

Let's get real. It's no fun place to be.
You feel like because you decided to make this decision, all eyes are on you.
Suddenly, you're on this big stage and every on is scrutinizing your every move. Yet, you still feel like a nobody...

(Stick with me, I'm getting somewhere.)

I feel like whatever decision it is you make, to have sex or not, to go to the club or not, to kiss this guy/girl or not, to get emotionally attached to this person or not. All these decisions can either help you, or hurt you.

There's obviously many more but I mean these ones, they're pretty big.

I found myself listening to the poem Sexual Healing (you can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlJFvxad1_A) and it made me put things in perspective.  I'll let you watch it on your own and form your own opinion. Warning though: Pretty deep stuff...

Honestly, I don't know if I'll ever publish this blog post or if I'll ever reach a conclusion. I don't even know what my main goal of this post is truthfully..

I just know it's not fun to feel like a nobody. It's not fun to feel small.
It's not fun to feel like the decision you made can ruin your life.

But I found this truth: I found that no matter what you do or say, Jesus will still accept you.
It's hard to accept on your own that after screwing up so much, there's someone willing to love you more and more.

He's just awesome. And so are you.
If you find yourself in this situation, I hope that you can use this as a tool of encouragement.

I've been there before, it's really not a good place to be.
But be strong, be courageous, be confident. Everything happens for a reason
.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." -Matthew 11:28
Xoxo
Dee

PS: I feel like I totally babbled my way through this, so if you feel like you wasted your time reading this, I'm really sorry.<3

Decisions, Decisions.

Oh boy. Decisions.

Do I close this chapter and start a new one?
Do I take a left instead of a right?
Do I go to this school or the next one?
Do I talk to this guy or ignore this one?

Life is just full of decisions. Sometimes we let fate decide, sometimes we let our parents decide, sometimes we become totally irrational and just do what we want to do and not think about the consequences, sometimes we just don't do anything about it and push to the back and just let it get figured out on it's own.

I know you've been there. All of us have. It's not exactly the most fun place to be, cause there's really no "good" advice for it.

Some say listen to your heart, or let God decide. I usually find myself being that one person who's crazy irrational and just acts on what my mind tells me. I kinda need to start listening to my heart though.

I've heard that it will never steer me wrong...

There's no actual solution to this post. Haha just something to think about! I know I've got a few big decisions in the near future.. as some would say, I need to "tighten up"

But I mean, whatever my decision will be...I know the outcome will be part of God's plan for me! And you too!!

So as they say, TIGHTEN UP! LOL

Xoxo
Dee

Good Enough.

Hmm. This one is kind of a toughie.


I know I posted a few days ago about not being perfect, and being completely fine. But I'll always wonder.


I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough to get into my dream school.


I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough to be so and so's girl.


I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough to get that 4.5 GPA


I'll always wonder why I wasn't good enough to get a text back....


You see, I could drive myself insane wondering what I did wrong or better yet, what I'm DOING wrong that's making me "not good enough"


But then, where would that get me?


ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE,  But a deep hole of depression or self pity. And well, that's just not gonna kick it.


So I mean, back to the perfect thing. Like I said before, I'm not perfect.


And I just may never be "good enough" for a lot of things in life. But I won't ever catch myself again being upset and depressed about it. Cause well, it's their loss. :)


"Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen"-Ephesians 4:29
Xoxo
Dee

I Have A Confession.

Why hello there, again.

So I have a confession, it's kind of a big one...
Sit down, this may be intense for you.

*Deep breath*

I am not perfect.

Kind of feels good getting that out. (I know you were expecting some big juicy scandalous secret, but I mean to me that's pretty big)

I'm not a size 4, I don't have long hair, I don't know what I'm doing 90% of the time, I say stupid things, I get mad at people for dumb reasons, I over analyze everything. I make mistakes, sometimes small, usually big. I slip up every now and then and do something really, really stupid. I get distracted, don't listen to people, I'm stubborn, I'm indecisive.

I'M NOT PERFECT. 


But I'm happy.


I'm happy that there is someone who can accept me after all those flaws. I'm happy that at the end of the day, His opinion of me is the only one that matters. I'm happy because even though I constantly mess up, He still loves me for me. 

I'm kind of starting to accept all those flaws. As long as the sun rises every morning, I will never be perfect. And well...I'm okay with that.

I'm really glad I could share this secret with you :)

"I have faith in a Savior who gives me LIFE"

"You have to find happiness within yourself so that you are able to know, everything will be okay at the end of the day."

Xoxo
Dee

The Bigger Picture.

So, most of you are aware that I am a HUGEEEE Gleek! Seriously, best show ever.

Anyway, Glee inspired me a few weeks ago to ask someone to prom..not the best thing I've done hahah either way, besides the point!

Tonight on Glee, Mr. Shoo gave a talk about "the bigger picture"

For those of you who don't know, one of the kids on Glee attempted suicide because he was bullied for being gay. Regardless of how you feel about gays, I think we can all come to the consensus that suicide is not okay..

Anyway, getting to the point it amazes me how great God is. 
Today was another icky day and I was really upset. (NOT suicidal, nor thinking about it!!) But I just felt like giving up. 

I went along with my usual Tuesday rituals and I felt like the little talk Shoo gave fit perfectly with my situation.

Sometimes, it takes looking at the bigger picture to get through what your going through.

No matter how hopeless and upset you are, you just have to think of how much life has to offer you. How much you mean to someone. How much you can do. How much the world needs you.

You see, things just don't happen for any ole reason. Whether you believe in God or not (I Really hope you do) He has a reason for EVERYTHING.

If you don't take any thing from this post, just know that you can do it.

You may not be suicidal, but you feel like giving up. Just know that you can do it. I believe in you. It's time you start believing in yourself.

You CAN do this. It's not the end. Think of the bigger picture. The power to change the world is in YOUR hands. Keep pressing on, you can make it. 


"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"-Philippians 4:13


xoxo
Dee

"In God We Trust"

No fancy text for this one. I just need to vent.

Man. This weekend was a completely upside down, topsy turvy weekend. Seriously..

I just don't even know where to begin. dkolafafkfsfkwsif  BLAH.

I feel like whenever things start to go amazingly well BAM. Something has to go and mess up EVERYTHING. Don't you just hate when that happens..?

But then I just have to remember "In God we Trust"

It's everywhere. On our dollar bills, the white house, tv, my living room, my bedroom AND kitchen.

Legit..everywhere. I'm not one to question the Lord but today I'm just wondering what is He up too..?

I feel like I've had it with all this bad news and sickness and drama. I just can't take it emotionally or pretty much physically anymore. But then again "In God we trust" shows up.

It gets hard, and it got really hard today. But I'm trusting.
I know He has a plan. It's just really confusing to not know where this plan is going.

This weekend just overall, sucked. And I'm currently really confused. But I'm trusting.

I may loose hope but I will never give up.
God has a plan. God has a plan. God has a plan..

The more I repeat it, I guess the more I'll start to believe it.

Sorry for a kind of depressing post guys. Wah.


"but those who trust in the LORD will lack no good thing."-Psalm 34:10
xoxo
Dee

A Slice of Humble Pie

Man oh man. This subject..

Humility. 


We've all heard it before. "The best people are the most humble"
Today I had to sit down, shut up and have a slice of humble pie.


I found myself touring a school that I felt I was "too good" for. I had this established concept that I deserved to be in a four year university and not a community college because well, I was me. When reality, the school was actually too good for me. 


In life, a lot of people struggle with humility.
I mean, I don't brag about things. (That's tacky as ever to me). But I used to place myself on this pedestal because I wanted the better things in life. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing to want the best. But when you have a preconceived thought that you can't do certain things because you're better, that's when you start to reach your downfall.


I wouldn't say that I reached my downfall, but I came kind of close to it. 


At times, we feel like we're better than other people. That we're entitled to certain things when in reality, we're not. Unless you work hard and actually earn it is when you act such way. But even then, it's not okay. Because you start to feel  like you're just too good for everyone and everything. Especially, God. And well quite frankly, ya kinda can't do anything without the guy. 


So while I was busy having my melodramatic attitude about being "too good" I missed out on a great opportunity. Like my mom always used to say, "If you don't listen, you're gonna feel"


And boy did I feel today...


To wrap this little rant up..I kinda just had to realize that I'm not as good as I think I am and well, there are people in this world who are better than me. I just need to keep praying and working on my attitude. It's gonna be hard. But I don't ever wanna be in the place where I miss out an amazing experience just because I think I'm "better than that"


I really do hope this made some sort of sense....


Hahahaha Thanks for reading :)


"But those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."-Matthew 23:12
Xoxo
Dee 

Forever

"Nothing lasts forever; nothing good,  nothing bad" 


Well this is my actual first blog thing a ma jig. I'm excited.


Today I found my face with a big decision to make. Do I stay or do I walk away? 


I was told a few years ago that nothing in life will last forever. Nothing bad, nothing good. It's kind of a depressing quote but I mean at the end of the day....it's true. Nothing really does last forever. People die, babies are born. People break up, people get married. It's not the rainbows and unicorns image that we were all brought up with, but I mean sometimes we have to face reality.


As much as reality hurts...once we face it, things become so much easier to deal with. It makes moving on easier, it makes life just so much better, it makes the pain and suffering bearable.


I faced reality today. I'm not gonna sit here and say that I know what I'm doing. I don't. But I do know that somewhere out there, even if it's in the Pacific Ocean, God has a plan for me. I know that what I decided to do today was all according to His plan for my life. And that everything will be okay. I just have to keep trusting.


So, whatever it is that you may be going through, just know that the pain and suffering won't last forever, it's going to have to get better. But be on your toes and keep praying, cause it's going to have to rain sometimes. Plants can't grow without water. 


"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"-Proverbs 3:5


This is not the end. So keep smiling, you're beautiful
xoxo
Dee




PS: I'll get better at this blogging thing by the next time I have a post, promise!!

WELCOME!

Why hello there.
So you've found yourself to my blog. It wasn't a coincidence, I guarantee that.


This is where I'll take my venting too. I'll try to some how tie it into God well because, I love Him and he puts up with me daily.


I love you already for reading this blog and so does God. Don't ever forget that!!


"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son that who shall ever believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16


Xoxo,
Dee